Can’t sleep
My thoughts have taken me away
The past is my present and ever reoccurring dream
You crept your way in, I wonder how you managed
Sultry like the wind, fascinating like the sound
Yet my idle heart still races
I'm anxious; can’t sleep
How long will this day last
My bed cold and cozy
Sheets filled with ice and dread
Sleep waiting for me
Somewhere I cannot meet
The pills and drugs that have lead me once
Now lulling in my blood
My thoughts and wants and lust all mixed
I'm like an accordion of complaints
Restless heart
Ruthless stress
Desire to its undying need
To pleasure myself is a boring occasion
One that has past and went
I searched for a muse so many times before
Found only what I had already used
Now with your eyes inside my thoughts
I can only write these lines
Do they tempt me, do they mock?
Have I found a reason?
I feel no such luck
And for that sickness
Cause I am doomed to sleeplessness
April 18, 2008 1:15am
You sonovabitch
You open the list of my to-dos and show what I have been anticipating.
Fuck! I know that already. I’m gettin’ to it.
You turn the page to a chapter I just forgot because I loved it too much.
God dammit! I hate when it hurts.
You show me the map of the circles I’ve taken.
It’s so scary when you’re lost. I cry out over and over:
Please help me! I am so lost and I cannot find my way.
You tear open my dresser, the top drawer to all my intimacies and lust.
What the fuck are you looking at?
You count the pages and minutes, reporting over and over in my head.
Jesus Christ, I can’t do this.
You bastard, that voice.
You creature, that choice.
You clever little fuck.
How can I reclaim my mind?
You helped me destroy my path, no, cover it in leaves and mess.
I’m trying to clean it up.
You told me to trust you, but it was hard to hear clearly over myself.
How can I have told myself this?
Fuck. Defeat. King me. Check mate. Call it on the bored. I loose this round.
What’s next.
February 11, 2009 12:50am
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